Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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