Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
