I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
