I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
