Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
