I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
