guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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