I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
