Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Randomize
