if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
