I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
