Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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