Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
