I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
