Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
