Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
