did you get engaged???
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
