if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
