So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
