Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
