C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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