The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
