oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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