Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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