He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
