You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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