if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
