Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
