Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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