Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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