I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
