If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
