do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
