your parents love me but you hate me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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