did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
