That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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