Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
