ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
