hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
