super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
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