yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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