Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
