My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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