so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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