Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
