I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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