drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
