I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
