Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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