she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
